


What we saw in the shadows

by JForward



Category: Kamen Rider Fourze
Genre: Angst, Cosmic has Side Effects, Dying has side effects, Fainting, I'm cruel to Gen, Nosebleed, Suffering, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-20 22:12:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13727031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JForward/pseuds/JForward
Summary: He died. That wasn't something that he'd expected, not this young, but - his friends brought him back. And he knows he'll do whatever it takes to keep them happy and safe. No matter to cost to himself.Basically Gentaro has side-effects from dying/cosmic and lots of whump happens.This weaves through the series from Episode 32 through to past the ending, but ignores the movies.





	1. Chapter 1

He was walking home from school. Tired to the bone, battered and bruised, but looking forward to seeing his gramps. Walking down the street towards their tiny home, pain lashed through his chest. Staggering, he put out a hand, gasping raggedly. It felt like his chest was tightening, an agonising dart through his heart. And it wasn't that over-excited feeling he got sometimes, not the overwhelming feeling of youth that would make him leap up out of his seat and act like a joyful puppy. It hurt. He inhaled sharply, one hand clutching at his chest as his head leant forward, trying to ride the agony out. It felt like - like - the memory was already fuzzy. But the pain as Ryusei had struck him in the chest, laying on the floor, feeling as his heart struggled to hang on...

Swallowing compulsively, he could taste blood in the back of his throat. Gentarou turned his back against the rough wall, tilting his head so that his pompadour was touching it too, each breath rapidly rising his thin chest. Groaning, he slid down, until he finally sat on the floor, eyes unfocused. Was this it? Had Cosmic granted him only a temporary reprieve, and he was going out here, alone? Tears stung in the teenager's eyes as he gasped. How long passed, he didn't know. When his eyes opened again, the sky was darker... but his chest was relaxing, slowly, the pain receeding. Eyes stinging from the cold air on his face, the tears burning his skin. Wiping his face with his hand, the teenager staggered up and started walking again, trying to push it out of his mind.

He didn't say anything to his gramps. 

"Good day at school? You're home late!" he said brightly, as happy as he always was.  
"Yeah! Lots of fun." he said, grinning, trying to ignore the ache. "We were ... busy, at the club." he couldn't exactly tell his gramps that he'd died today. Instead he smiled, but something felt off. Going through the actions. When they finally settled to bed, he laid under his quilt - feet poking out of the end - looking up at the ceiling. His hand absently rubbed at his chest, over his heart, which was pounding as powerfully as it ever had. What had that been? He chewed his lip, hesitating, before rolling over and reaching for his phone. Holding it, he scrolled down to Kengo's number, hesitating before looking at the clock. His finger hovered for a moment, before he put it down again and rolled over. There was no point worrying his friends. He'd be fine.

Gentaro didn't normaly dream. But tonight he did. Caught in the strange, mid-way space between life and death ... the shape of his parents looking towards him, hands offered. He whimpered slightly, feeling a pang that had nothing to do with physical pain. Caught between his friends and his parents ... for all that he never really spoke about them, he missed them. He remembered how happy they were, every time he made a friend ... and he couldn't abandon those friends. 

When he woke up, his hand was extended out past his blankets, reaching for something that was long past his reach.


	2. Chapter 2

He was fine - for awhile. Absolutely fine. No pain. He felt like he was ... normal. Maybe it had been a fluke. The rider put it out of his head, more important things to worry about - and the last thing he wanted to do was to give more stress to his friends, who had helped him through so much already. The look on Kengo's face when he'd been pulled back from that void... he couldn't bear to make a friend cry like that again! So he pushed it away, away, away, out of his mind, out of his thoughts. Nobody was going to have to suffer like that for him again. And he remained entirely ignorant of what had happened, of course. Having died and then woken up somewhere entirely different... he'd never asked what Kengo had gone through to get him there. Despite everything, the looks the others had given his friend ... Gentaro knew there was more there. But he wouldn't push it!

There was fear, of course. When he launched the Fourze driver in Kyoto. He didn't show it, didn't let anyone see the terror in his heart as he powered up. But it had to be done, no matter the cost. And he was fine. Even when he had to use Cosmic again... he was fine! It was a fluke, nothing more. He fought, and he proved himself, and when he was fighting without his belt he knew it was the truth. No matter the cost, he would keep fighting for his friends! That thought pushed through his mind for the rest of the night, keeping his smile easy and his feelings light.

Exhausted but pleased, with all his keepsakes from the trip - including the photo with Yukina - safely packed into his bag, Gentaro felt like he was on top of the world. Stepping into the portal that connected the rabbit hatch with the earth, there was a sudden pain arching across the top of his head.  
"Aw, this sucks! A headache now?" he grimaced, rubbing the side of his head (carefully, to not mess up his hair). There was a copper tang in the back of his mouth, and unpleasant sticky taste, as he exited out of the locker and into the tiny store room. Reaching up at the heat on his lip, Gentaro frowned a little, pulling his finger tips away and seeing the shine of blood.

"What?" he stared for a few minutes, before scrabbling in his pockets for tissues. Finding nothng, he cursed, keeping a hand up at his face as he left the room, heading for the nearest bathroom. Once inside, he put his bag down, grabbing a handful of paper from nearby and pressing it to his face. In moments, it seemed, it was saturated - the red startling against the white. He looked into the mirror, shocked for a moment by how pale he was. Swallowing hard, that copper taste was gettng stronger; lowering his head, he tried to breathe shallowly, looking into the ceramic dish that was swimming in front of his eyes. The pain got worse, daggers shooting agonisingly across the back of his head. His chest tightened, and Gentaro let loose an accidental whimper, breathing rasping. The world was spinning now, and vaguely he thought it would be a good idea to sit down, but the black edges of his vision were increasing and -

It took a moment, after opening his eyes, to register where he was. Laying on his side on cold tiles, the smell of stale urine in his nose, looking at the bottom of a dirty wall. Putting a hand on the floor, he sat up slowly, groaning as a hand touched the side of his head. No blood that he could feel, but Gentaro's whole side and skull throbbed with a dull ache from how he'd struck the floor. Staggering up onto his long limbs, he rested his fingers on the edge of the basin, looking into the mirror. He still looked pale, washed out. The lights hadn't turned off... how long had he been out? Gingerly touching the aching point on his scalp, Gentaro groaned. Washing his face with the cold water, he took a few deep breaths. Pushing through the pain of his headache, the rider picked up his bag and left the room, glancing around. But it seemed nobody had noticed. Chewing his lip, he hurried home, trying not to think just what this might mean.

The tasks were rote. The same, as always. Eat dinner. Make conversation. His gramps was a kind and gentle soul, much like Gentaro - also, admittedly, not the smartest. Although he was an excellent bike mechanic. He frowned, sitting up, looking at Gen, who was somewhat curled over his bowl.   
"What happened there?" he asked gently, gesturing at a blossoming bruise just under his hairline. Gentaro reached up, gingerly touching the spot.  
"Walking into an open locker." he invented, with a sheepish smile, making his grandfather roar with laughter.   
"Too tall for your own good!" he teased, and Gentaro's stomach squirmed at lying, but he knew it had to be done. To protect him. To protect them all.  
He dreamt of his parents again, waking with his heart throbbing in his chest and tears burning in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is my first Kamen Rider fic and I have no idea how long it's going to be so, bear with me if you love some good ol' fashioned whump. The poor good boy. He's so ripe for suffering.


	3. Chapter 3

It was Yuki who spotted it. They were in the rabbit hatch; he'd been focusing on trying to do a piece of homework, brain feeling like it was melting, but she had been looking at him for awhile.  
"Gen-chan." she finally spoke, and he looked up with a smile already on his lips, drifting a little when he realised her tone. "What's that?" she flung out a finger, poking him hard on the bruise. He yelped and withdrew, offended, reaching up his hands to fend her off.  
"Hey, hey! It's nothing. Just a bruise. Must've gotten it fighting Libra." he said, quickly. "You know I always have bruises, Yuki." the others were looking at him suspiciously, and he flapped his arms to drive them off from their fussing.  
"You need to get some moth powder on that," Tomoko commented, from her corner. At least Gentaro's expression of disgust was reflected on the faces around the space.   
"No, it's fine!" he insisted. Why was he fighting their help so hard? Something tugged in his chest, the reminder of a thought that he should probably tell them. They would help him, of course, that was what friends were for, and yet ... he remembered Kengo's tearful face as he'd been woken up from death. He couldn't bear to see that look again.

He spent the next few days permanently on edge that it would happen again. He had a pretty much permanent stress headache, hanging in the back of his head. And when he had figured JK was DJ Gene... he'd almost confessed what had been happening. But JK had his own problems, and Gentaro had to help with them, first and foremost. With everything that happened... his own problems got pushed to the back of his mind. Through some miracle, nothing worse than a headache happened, even until he lost his Cosmic state. That night was horrible. He sat at home, going over and over in his mind how he'd failed as a friend. He had to put things right. He had to make things better, for his friend! How could he have been so selfish, to not realise this before? So he made his plan to find JK's father. Because he would put anything on the line to protect his friends. Anything! 

The headache seemed worse, all the time he was fishing with JK's father. And learning the guitar. His mouth felt like it was full of copper. But he pushed through, desperate to save his friend from what he'd become. It was breaking his heart, seeing that even his close friends could be corrupted by the power of the switches. And his friend... what he'd lost in order to get what he dreamed of. Walking away from JK that night was painful, really, thinking about how his friend had shamelessly hugged him... he didn't want to let his friend give up on singing. But maybe this was healthy. He could enjoy singing without holding himself to too high a standard... halfway down the stairs Gentaro stumbled violently, head spinning horribly. He clung to the bannister, retching violently over the side. Gasping for air, hot tears stung his eyes. He couldn't pass out. Not here. Not now.

He moved down the stairs, seeing stars flashing in front of his eyes. This hadn't happened for days, why now? His mind flickered to the cosmic switch re-activating, after JK became dedicated back to the club. Back to him. His chest ached, tightening, and he let out a sharp wheeze, damp hands slipping on the railing. He stumbled down a few steps, finally out onto the concourse. Agony shot through every limb, and daggered across the back of his head. It felt like everything was constricting, burning. He exhaled sharply and a faint glitter caught in front of his eyes - like gold dust, glowing for a few moments. He looked at his arms, but it hadn't come from there, no trace of a glow. Was he hallucinating? His chest spasmed again and Gentaro fell hard onto the cold ground, blinking up at the dark sky. He couldn't get a grip on his body, panting harshly, feeling the Fourze driver digging into his back. His eyes flickered in and out of focus, the stars seeming so bright above him... his mouth was filled with blood, his head was swimming. His hands scraped the ground and then the world went dark.

There was warmth on his face. Eyes opened slowly, sluggishly. Looking up at the sky, he realised the sun was rising and sat up sharply. Shivering violently, Gentaro looked at himself. Both his hands were grazed; his body was cold, damp. Had he been laying out here all night?  
"Gramps!" he rasped, staggering upright, knowing he had to get home. It must only just be dawn... after a moment of hesitation he transformed, flying home, luckily avoiding being spotted. He slipped in, knowing he'd have to find an excuse, but he was exhausted to his bones and - scared. He was so scared. Curling up under his blankets, shivering, Gentaro knew he wouldn't get any meagre sleep before school. Maybe he should go to the hospital. But how would he explain it? Any of it? He'd died and been brought to life by a magical outer-space switch and a fighting suit ... no. Idiocy. They'd never believe him. And if he told his friends then - then he would be - just a drain, right? No. Friends were there to help. But he couldn't put this on them. Kengo's frightened face swum before his eyes and he clenched them tight shut, breathing hard.

Every time he wanted to talk about it, it slid out of his mind. With everything that was happening, with learning everything they could to potentially be astronauts... it just slipped away. Over and over again. And with Erin. He couldn't broach it, they were all too busy. And when he'd finally met the chairman, admittedly he was rude, but that didn't even matter to him. He was running through the parking garage, when a jab of pain made him sprawl headlong. Groaning, he stumbled up again. He couldn't waste time with this, not now. His chest ached, and he couldn't breathe properly, his heart jumping arrhythmically. "Not now!" Gentaro punched the wall, and immediately regretted it as his hand throbbed. One hand over his jumping heart, he kept running, knowing he had to get back to them and explain. He had to fix this, before Erin threw everything away. He had to make a friend of her.

Of all the people on the bridge, he didn't expect to see Leo. And then he was in the water, grateful that his suit was totally airtight - he wouldn't drown in it, because it worked on the moon. But in the water, inside his suit, looking through the murky eye glass... he could taste blood. He jerked erratically, trying to swim to the side, trying to focus. Not here. Not now! Too many important things to do. By the time he managed to get to the side, he could barely breathe, curling into a little ball and surrendering the transformation. Through a miracle he didn't pass out, laying in the mud, twitching and gasping. Finally, thinking of Erin, Yuki and Kengo, he managed to drag himself up. He had to get to them, to explain... he shivered violently, but finally got moving, knowing he was running out of time. He had to make a choice. When all this was over, he'd tell them. Kengo would find a cure, surely. He wouldn't keep it from them any longer.

He'd been managing, by some miracle, to hold it off for so long. After Erin was defeated, the dizziness struck him hard. His vision was fogging. She was an idiot. A true fool, to let him do this, for her pride... but she hadn't really fought him. She'd wanted this loss. To be free of the switch. His head spun wildly, tilting back up to look into the rain. He felt like his energy was pouring out. The others were grouped nearby, and he fell forward, onto his arms. The others came rushing to his side, as the transformation faded, and helped him up. They didn't understand, he knew - how his heart was aching and clenching.   
"We're going to have to find her." he said, quietly. "We have to make sure this doesn't happen again." he looked at Yuki, giving a small smile even as his whole body throbbed. "We have to make sure she knows she has ... friends." he smiled a little wider, barely managing to hide it as a spasm of pain struck his chest. She was nodding back, biting her lip, looking at him far more closely than he liked. He had to tell them. Soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have only a very rough idea of where I'm going with this so! Feel free to fling ideas at me! Also I'm very rusty at fic writing so comments are adored. Thanks guys!


	4. Chapter 4

Nobody was about when it hit next. He realised, from having fought it off so long last time, his friends were the key. Thinking of them and then maybe he could shake it off completely. So as he headed to class, the agony struck and he stumbled into the wall. Thankfully, he was alone; their classes didn't match up at all today. But the agony escalated, and he was groaning, gasping weakly. His eyes flickered in and out, blurry, and he spotted a familiar door. The rabbit hatch! Perfect. He stumbled to the door, resting his face on the cool glass for a moment, barely noticing the red smear he left on it. 

His whole body ached. Pain daggered in his head, shooting behind his eyes. Gentaro could barely focus any more. He wished his friends were there, but the idea of them being so scared - hot tears burned in his eyes. Into the store room, he staggered into the shelving, grasping ahold of it to keep himself up. He was reminded violently of the scorpion's sting, of the pain then, but the medical switch had fixed that. Of Kengo and how he screamed, healing them. A faint memory appeared - waking up from the strange half-world where he'd seen his parents - and the glove. He'd had the fourze driver on his arm. What pain had he gone through, trying to awaken Gentaro, to bring him back to life, before he used to Cosmic switch? His knees half buckled. Rabbit hatch. Get into the rabbit hatch, it should be empty -

The doorway seemed too bright, burning his eyes, but he was finally in the space. Messy and full of the signs of their club, it was a home away from home. And right now all he could think how safe it was. Then a voice reached him. Gentaro exhaled sharply, fuzzy vision picking up someone standing, staring, taking a step forward, gesturing - Kengo? He was leaning, Gentaro realised too late ... mouth full of blood and head spinning like a top. The pain in his chest was too much, and the world washed into darkness as his legs failed.

"Kisaragi?" He doesn't know, at first, what's happening. The taller boy looks so pale, so wahsed out - except for the vivid red staining his top lip. Kengo's never seen Gentaro looking so lifeless, even when he'd been literally lying in state in front of them.  
"You look like hell -" Kengo stepped forward, the better to look into that strained face, ready to tell him to go home, stop pushing so hard - and that step was a lucky one.

Thankfully it's a long way down, for Gentaro - but Kengo has seen before how quickly that noodle could fall. The shorter distance is a blessing - he lunges, seeing the way his legs gave way - and almost miraculously, catches Gentaro in his arms. For how skinny the teenager is, Kengo is struck by just how much Kisaragi weighs. This is all too familiar, though, all too jarring a reminder. But this time, as he hefts the other's arm over his back and curses his very name, has a reassuring difference. The steady - if slightly thready - beat of Gentaro's heart thunders on his back. This isn't a corpse. Not again. Kisaragi is alive. Unconscious for an unknown reason, yes, but alive. And breathing. He has to trust in that heartbeat because otherwise he's reminded just how warm and alive he'd felt the last time Kengo had carried Gentaro like this.

His mind was running a million miles a minute, doing calculation after calculation, trying desperately to figure out something that would explain Gentaro suddenly passing out on him. And why he'd come dashing through the hatch like that. There had to be a reason, but then again, this was Gentaro. Kengo often wondered if there was any logic or intelligence in the older boy at all. There had to be a reason. He was in lessons, but he wasn't, because he was here. Kengo puffed, worried about his own condition, because he couldn't drop Kisaragi, not now. The soft whoosh as the airlock opened was almost missed, but at the last moment Kengo turned his head. There was a laugh, dying on Shun's lips, and he was by Kengo's side in a flash. Taking the weight from his shoulders, hefting Gentaro, looking pretty pale at the sight himself. It only took them a few moments to get the tall teenager laid gently on his back, head lolling slightly to the side. Hands shaky, Shun pulled out a ragged tissue from his pocket, pressing it under Gentaro's nose.

"What the hell have you done to him, Kengo!?" Shun demanded, but it was panic in his voice really, not anger.   
"I haven't done anything!" Kengo snapped back, "He came in like a ghost and collapsed on me! I haven't seen him since -"  
"Since what?" Shun looked away, gently tapping Gentaro's face to try to stir him. Kengo had gone pale himself, turning and darting over the computer.  
"What are you doing n-"  
"Grab the fourze driver from him, will you?" his fingertips shot over the keyboard, pulling up information. "And the cosmic switch?"  
Shun stared at him for a moment before clearing his throat, digging around before he found the driver and switch, cautiously handing them over. As he opened his mouth to question, there was a sharp gasp. They turned in sync, eyes widening, before Shun darted back to Gentaro's side.

"Gentaro!" he put a hand on the younger's shoulder, looking into the unfocused eyes. Gentaro reached up, mumbling something dopily as he wiped at the blood under his nose. Kengo was on his feet, watching, arms folded and expression cautious.  
"What the hell is going on?!" Shun grabbed onto the front of Gentaro's jacket, making Kengo's eyes widen. "You need me to get the Dizer? Some Horoscope we don't know about?" he demanded. "Tell me!" there was fear making his tone squeaky.  
The prone teenager gripped the hand holding his jacket, opening and closing his mouth a few times before he finally spoke.

"No." he mumbled, propping up on his elbows slowly, as Shun unwould his fingers from the jacket. "I wasn't attacked."  
"Not good enough, Kisaragi." Kengo called, still stood by the computer. "You don't get to just - come in here and collapse on me!" his voice cracked, just a touch. "You don't get to just do that and -"  
"Kengo -"  
"No!" he banged a fist on his desk, making both of them jump. "You don't realise. The last time I saw you like -" he broke off, breathing hard. His face was flushed. Some of the colour was coming back to Gentaro's face, but he still looked unwell. Regardless, he was sitting up now, clearing his nose before he stood. Shun jumped up as well, putting a hand on the teenager's shoulder, to stop him doing anything stupid as he wobbled.

"Kengo." Gentaro whispered, as the teary-eyed face looked up at him. "I'm sorry. I've been meaning to tell you, but with everything that's been happening it didn't seem like -"  
"How many times?" there's a cold edge in his voice, and even Shun looks over from his cautious protection of Gentaro.   
"What-"  
"How many times, Kisaragi! How many times have you passed out? When did it start? You need to tell me, or we can't fix this!" he held up the Fourze driver, and Gentaro moved as if to come over towards him. Shun's hand snapped up again, pressing into his chest. "Do I need to use the medical switch? What do I need to do to fix this?!"  
He looked down, opening and closing his mouth. And then, slowly, he sat. And the whole tale began to come out. Before he was halfway through, Gentaro could feel his eyes burning with salt water. He was ashamed. And scared. But at least now they would know. At least now it wasn't burning a hole in his chest.   
And at last, he whispered, "I'm sorry, Kengo. I should've told you sooner." and they were interrupted by the soft whoosh of the airlock.


	5. Chapter 5

There's a loaded moment. Goofball that Gentaro is, he looks at Kengo, expression serious - imploring. He doesn't want the others to know. There's no doubt he still doesn't look well, but the blood is cleared from his nose and the pale tint to his skin could easily be from most anything else. All it would take would be some of his usual high-energy bounciness to bring the normal flush back, at any rate. Shun looked between the two, for a moment unsure - but clearly willing to go with whatever Kengo decided.

"Oops!" it's Miu at the head of the pack, her face already wearing an uncertain smile.  
"Did we walk in on a fight?" her eyes went between the three of them, as Yuki and JK appeared either side of the university student. Kengo sighed, and turned away, throwing his arms into the air.  
"I was just reminding Kisaragi that the Fourze driver is not a toy," he slumped into his chair as Gentaro relaxed almost visibly. Shun gave them both a sharp look, but hitched a smile to his face regardless. Sitting heavily next to Gentaro, Shun clapped a hand onto the younger's shoulder, giving it a brief squeeze.

The usual babble filled the space as everyone filed in from the end of their lessons. Yuki was giving Getnaro a sharp look, but everyone else seemed content to drift to their usual business in the club space. Kengo was stoically ignoring everyone, working away on his computer, fourze driver and gosmic switch at his side. This wasn't unusual behaviour for the genius - nobody would think anything of it. But Gentaro knew there was no way he could avoid the younger student forever - in fact, he probably wasn't getting that driver back until Kengo had figured out the answers.

It wasn't like Kengo could keep the driver from him forever, though. They had to defeat the Zodiarts - and Gentaro was the only one capable of using the Fourze driver to the best of it's ability. And as good as Ryusei was, Meteor would never be able to defeat the extremely powerful horoscopes alone. There were still several waiting to be awakened, and recently it had seemed like everyone was transforming straight to horoscopes. Some balance had changed in the world, something he couldn't figure out ...

"Gen-chan, you're awful quiet!" Yuki plopped down on his other side, and Gentaro - snapped out of his reverie - turned with a smile already on his face.   
"Yeah! Just thinking -" he said, and everyone within earshot did a double take.  
"What?!" Gentaro explained.  
"Thinking? That's just not like you!" JK jibed, and everyone laughed.  
"Heyyyy...!" Gentaro grumbled, but couldn't exactly come out with a good come-back. It didn't help that his smile was rapid in it's return, that good-natured grin. Yuki rested her head on his shoulder, leaning in and smiling up. He turned his smile back to hers, but his heart wrenched at the feeling of deceit. But then again... what was the point in worrying them?

"Gentaro." Miu was sat opposite him, opening a small box. She reached over and picked up his hand, smiling at the bemused teenager as she pulled a small glass bottle from the decorative box - that he suddenly recognised. Gentaro exclaimed in panic, but Miu was pinning down his hand now and Yuki's casual affection had transformed into holding him still - and, to add insult to injury - Shun held onto him from the other side. Gentaro gave a sigh of defeat, knowing Miu had been trying to paint his nails forever. JK hovered over her shoulder, nodding or shaking his head as she showed him colours.  
"Traitors." Gentaro muttered mutinously, but Yuki and Shun only grinned.

It didn't take long before Gentaro was studying one hand, done in alternating shades of blue. It felt weird, like he'd dipped his finers in something sticky. Miu had given him a hard warning about touching them whilst wet, so he just looked at them quietly, wondering what his gramps would say when he saw this. At least Miu looked happy, and even Yuki was giggling at the look on Gentaro's mildly-horrificed face. As long as it made his friends happy, he could endure that, he supposed.  
"The colour suits you, Gentaro!" JK commented, grinning.   
"You picked them out!" he objected, but that smile was still on his face.

Dark eyes flickered back to Kengo, still focused on his computer, quiet and avoiding the conversation. Not really that unusual - nobody was making comment on it, at least. The Fourze driver had been moved, and the switch was now sitting inside the scanner. Miu released his other hand, smiling in satisfaction.  
"There!" she watched as he looked at his other hand, face caught between amusement and despair.  
"This doesn't go with my style at all!" he lamented, shaking his head, "But for my friends!" that wide grin was worn proudly again, "I'll do whatever it takes to make them smile!"

"Talking of which." Kengo turned his chair, looking at the club at large. "Has anyone seen Ryusei?" there was a pause as they all clocked that Meteor wasn't present in the room.   
"He wasn't with us when we got out of class," Yuki said, slowly. Nomoko picked up two sticks with a strange black coating from her work bench, waving them in the air around the group.  
"I can track his lifeline for you..." she smiled, almost threateningly. Gentaro leant away from her slightly.   
"Don't worry, it's not important." Kengo sighed, turning away, looking at the screen in front of him again.  
"What are you doing, Kengo?" Yuki asked, hopping up and going to look over his shoulder.

Gentaro watched, still idly fanning his nails to dry the polish. There was what looked like a body scan on the screen, with several glowing points on the form. There was a fraction of a moment of hesitation before Kengo replied.  
"Just studying the energy output," he mumbled, "Seeing how ... powerful cosmic is." his eyes kept roving the screen, looking as the computer charted glowing orbs moving, spreading light over the shape on the screen. There was a frown on his face, tapping a nail on his desk, paying more attention to the stream of information on the side of the visualisation.

"Don't worry." Kengo's eyes flickered to Gentaro for just a second, despite his airy tone. "It's nothing important."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, the next chapter will be sadder...


	6. Chapter 6

He wasn't avoiding talking about it on purpose. But somehow, Kengo and Gentaro weren't getting a moment together. Their focus on the roles at school made it too difficult to sort out - anything like that. When Kengo had handed over the Fourze driver, not wanting to relinquish it back to him, but knowing there was no choice. And they were being watched - no way, without revealing what was going on. With everything that was happening with Taurus' control over them, the idea of an attack happening hung over the rider like a storm cloud. His spirits hadn't been so low in a very long time.

He thought, somehow, it would be okay. No matter the stress he felt, there were no nosebleeds, none of that awful dizziness. Admittedly, he had to ride out a couple of splitting headaches. They were at the hospital, having spoken to Sayaka, to try to help her see sense about Sugiura's overwhelming reign at the school. The wave of dizziness that hit him almost swept the lanky teenager off his long legs.

Yuki looked at him in apparent concern.  
"Gen-Chan?" she put a hand on his arm. "What's wrong?" his eyes darted around, looking for some escape, feeling a tug in the root of his heart. They had to take the news back, but agony was rippling through him, sending a scurry of black dots across his vision.   
"Just - toilet." he gestured vaguely, staggering through and half crashing into a stall wall. The world was swimming dangerously, the overwhelming smell of antiseptic flooding his nostrils. Yuki's face was hidden by the swinging door, twisted by concern for her friend.  
"Gen-chan?" she breathed, biting her lip and touching the door uncertainly. She couldn't exactly follow him in there, but that look on his face was stuck in her mind.

"Gen-chan." her voice quavered. Leaning a little more on the door, she listened carefully, trying to work out what was going on. The faint sound of something like retching reached her; she covered her mouth and drew back, thinking that he must've eaten something that disagreed with him. No wonder he'd dashed off like that! Yuki leant her back against the wall, frowning to herself, mind wandering back to Taurus. They had to stop his reign of terror over the school. And if Gen-chan was getting sick, that was going to be another big problem for the club. 

Inside the bathroom, Gentaro was barely able to see. The pain was blotting everything out, nausea burning his stomach. The smell of copped flooded everything, and he was vaguely aware of emptying his stomach onto the tile floor before staggering back. His legs gave way, head bouncing back against something hard, and the world went dark again....

Yuki looked at her watch, and tapped at the door. A few passing nurses had given his odd looks, but nobody had asked any questions. She hadn't heard any noise for a few minutes, and was starting to feel very worried about her friend. She had finally come to the decision to go in regardless, when the door swung open of it's own accord.

Gentaro looked like hell, pale and shaking. His face was damp, as if he'd splashed it in the sink. Despite that, he gave her a smile anyway.   
"Gen-chan, are you sick?" Yuki asked, a little nervously.  
"Ah - I feel better now." he mumbled, voice a touch croaky. "Must've, uh, cleared it out. It's okay, Yuki. We have to stop Taurus -" she put a hand on his arm, and he startled slightly. Looking down at his friend, the bemused smile dropped quickly.  
"Just remember to take care of yourself, too, Gen-chan!" she exclaimed, before wrapping her arms almost painfully tight around him. He hugged her back, feeling a powerful wave of gratitude. And guilt. He had to tell them soon. Really soon!  
Just - not yet.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops! Sorry for the big delay, guys. I write this physically in a notebook and I am Lazy about typing stuff up.

People always left too soon. Gentaro had realise that, the day his parents had died. But just because people left - that didn't mean that their friendship had to be over! That was something else he was determined to believe! With Virgo's threats hanging over them, Gentaro would never blame the others for choosing to leave. All he wanted was his friends to be happy - and safe. But there was a strange sense of relief, that he hadn't owned up to them about his collapses.

The headaches had become more frequent - and sometimes it felt like an unrecognised competition. Kengo was struggling more and more as time went on. He seemed to be spending the most of his time sat at his computer, studying the switches, but mostly Cosmic. Every time Gentaro considered his friends, he waited for the other to bring it up. But the time that had passed was too great, both of them now too embroiled in the problems in the club to consider addressing their... mutual illnesses. Of course, he was permanently concerned about his friend's health, but he never felt like it was the right time to acknowledge it.

To add insult to injury, Gentaro had been having problems with his chest. A constant pressure over his heart, almost like the pain he'd felt when JK had abandoned the club. It seemed to increase with every passing day, until even breathing was bordering on painful. And with both Ryusei and Tomoko taken, they should've been talking about it, trying to find a solution. But his own health had always taken a backseat. Kengo had to consider that perhaps he and Gentaro were not as different as he'd first thought. After all, both of them were stoically ignoring their growing discomfort, more focused on saving their friends.

Of course, Kengo could hardly believe that Gentaro intended to continue his training with Virgo. Not with how strained his breathing continued to be, or how often he rubbed his eyes, as if unable to focus on what was right in front of him. Then again - Kengo knew that the other wasn't pushing his own lack of self care, beyond occasionally bringing food as he desperately tried to find a way to make the Cosmic switch work without the strength of their friendship. Despite being loathe to admit it, Kengo felt like Virgo had a point - Gentaro needed that power, regardless of how many friends were in his club.

So he went, protesting that it was only to record footage for his records and not because he worried for his friend's safety. They were mostly silent the bike ride, but as they climbed the last of the way to their meeting place, Kengo spoke softly.  
"I've been running tests on Cosmic. And - on you. There's no doubt it's doing - something - to you, Kisaragi." he paused. Gentaro was quiet. "Whatever energy it used to pull you back from - from death, and the suit itself - I don't think humans are designed to withstand that much of it. I know you've still been feeling it, Kisaragi, even with you pretending. Every time you used that switch, there was a surge. Just - be careful, okay? Maybe not using it is a hidden blessing." they had reached the arena, Gentaro just had to wait for Virgo. And he knew they would come. No matter the pain in his chest or the thought of what Kengo had told him would stop him from using the Fourze driver. Gentaro had said before he'd give his life for his friends - and he meant it!

***

Saggitarius was too strong for them. Even the joyful boost to Cosmic wasn't enough - the pair of them weren't going to have a chance of beating him. His whole body was screaming, pain from the battering they'd just received, and the blinding light in his head.

When he opened his eyes, Ryusei was about him, looking worried. There was no sign of the others - he didn't know where Virgo had taken them. But the usually stoic Meteor definitely looked worried, blood from his split lip and already showing livid bruises. He was tapping Gentaro's cheek, and let out a soft sigh of relief as the older boy looked up at him.  
"We need to find them." he said, after a moment's refusing to acknowledge that he had been worrying. Gentaro nodded, slowly managing to sit up, grimacing as his body throbbed. Black spots swum before his eyes again, but Ryusei clamped a hand on his shoulder, and after a moment his mind cleared and he could move - albeit gingerly.

The ride was silent. Gentaro was barely hanging on to consciousness when he got the call. That, at least, focused hi smind for a little bit. Emoto had coped, all that time ... and no matter how bad he felt, Gentaro knew he could hang on a little longer.  
For Emoto.  
For his friends.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaa sorry this jumps around so much! It was a difficult episode to write around.

Kengo shard his painkillers with Gentaro. They'd given them to him to control his own 'illness', but as it came and went so suddenly, they rarely did any good for him. As Gentaro had finally owned up about the permanent headache, it was all Kengo could think to do, until they found a solution. Giving up the Fourze driver was entirely outside the possible answers, and both of them knew it. At least the painkillers were helping take off the worst of it for now, restoring Gentaro's focus so he could function in a way he hadn't been able to for days. 

The tests had confirmed what Kengo had said - blood drawn from Gentaro contained an incredile amount of potent cosmic energy, and his headache always got worse after he'd been force into utilizing the Comic switch. The chest pain, however, he had no answer for. Kengo was no medical professional, and the pain had eased significantly after his last fight. Kengo promised to keep looking for a solution, and for now, the painkillers would have to do.  
***  
He'd made the decision to tell them what was going on. At least, as much as they knew. Ryusei had clearly had some pretty big suspicions, after finding Gentaro unconscious, having battle Saggitarius. Of course, the horoscopes had other ideas. Any thoughts of sharing his own, self-inflicted illness was gone - he had to put his friends first. He'd gotten so wrapped up in himself lately! And with the painkillers, he was coping - so that he could help Yuki. Even Kengo put aside his worry about Gentaro. Yuki had been the first close friend he'd had; and she'd shaped Gentaro's childhood. She meant the world to the both of them.  
***  
It was only when he realised that he was beating up the real Yuki that the pain in his chest hit again. A powerful thrust, like he'd been punched damn hard. By the time he cancelled the transformation, that need to gasp for air was coming back, a twisting dagger in his lungs. He had to make it right. If he was even going to be able to keep fighting as Fourze, to shop that pain in his heart, Gentaro couldn't let Yuki feel abandoned! But she was gone, taken, and - and he knew what he had to do.

Whilst he was digging for the box, his head throbbed. Copper filled his mouth. Shoving a tissue up his nose, Gentaro ignored the pain, mind on Yuki. He pushed through, running out of time; no matter what, he had to get there. Soon! Mentally, he pushed the pain away.  
"Nothing will stop me saving my friends!" he hissed to himself, "Nothing!"  
***  
The relief in his heart, that Yuki was okay, that he hadn't been too late - though if it hadn't been for Ryusei and the Meteor Switch, then Gentaro would have had a very bad time against Gemini. But they were gone, destroyed, and Yuki was okay ... Yuki! He turned, looking towards his friends. She had a grin on her face as everyone piled in to hug her tightly. But he could see the dark shadows under her eyes, knowing she must want nothing more than rest now. Cancelling out of his transformation, Gentaro strode up to join the hug.

"Aren't you meant to be in the hospital?" Kengo said to Ryusei, as the hug finally broke apart. The other smiled and gave a small shrug, looking up as Gentaro called to him and then easily catching the Meteor Storm switch. His sarcastic comment died on his lips, however, looking at the lanky teenager.  
"Gen-Chan?" Yuki put a hand on his arm.  
The smell of copper was flooding his nostrils. The quiet overwhelmed their small group for a moment, all eyes turning to Gentaro.

He reached a hand up to touch the heat under his nose, fingertips coming away a vivid red. Yuki looked up at him, concerned, as he took a small step and swayed. Someone was speaking, but a rushing noise was filling his ears, eliminating everything else. Bile flooded his mouth, and black dots washed his vision. Kengo stepped forward, but it was Ryusei who actually caught Gentaro, as the gangly teenager's long legs buckled and pitched him forward.   
"Gen-chan!" he didn't have to support the other rider's form for long, the others rushing forward to help take the weight between them. 

Kengo and Shun shared a brief glance before the elder moved to take most of Gentaro's weight from Yuki, JK and Ryusei. They gently laid him in the grass, his skin startling pale and the that blood under his nose livid. Yuki crouched by his head, looking horrified.  
"Gen-chan, is this my fault?" she whispered, "You worked so hard to save me..." Kengo stepped toward her, shaking his head a little.  
"It's not your fault." he spoke clearly. They were all still reeling a little from Kengo's own surge of energy the other day; Shun looked at him evenly, but everyone else was still clearly feeling a little uncertain.

"This has been going on for - too long."   
"You knew?!" JK exclaimed.  
"Yeah. Found out by accident. He came into the Rabbit Hatch and - passed out. We've been trying to find out why. He - didn't want anyone to worry..."  
"Gen-Chan..." Yuki shamelessly let the tears flood down her cheeks. "Why? We're supposed to be your friends!"  
Miu was giving Shun a sharp look, having not missed his expression.  
"You knew as well?"  
"Yeah." she slammed him on the arm. "I'm sorry! I made a promise that I wouldn't tell - not even you!" she glared at him for a few moments before sighing. Their eyes all fell back to the prone teenager, full of worry as his eyes finally began to flicker open again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one this time, whoops.

"Hey." he mumbled sluggishly, moving to sit up. A hand pressed on his chest, keeping Gentaro on the grass. The half-dopey grin faded from his face as he took in the crowd around him, especially Yuki's tear-strew face. Mouth forming a small 'o', it slowly shifted into a nervous frown.  
"Oops."

"Oops?!" Ryusei looked furious, face twisted, hands clenching into fists. If JK and Miu hadn't grabbed his arms, he would have undoubtedly launched himself bodily at Gentaro, fists at the ready.  
"I knew you were lying to me!" he snarled. Gentaro shuffled back a little on his elbows, looking up at the other rider in confusion. Yuki moved protectively in front of her friend, stopping Ryusei from getting closer to Gentaro.   
"What are you talking about?!" Kengo demanded.

"After we fought Saggitarius." Ryusei spat, as Miu and JK cautiously released his arms, realising he might not be about to kill Kisaragi any more.   
"This stupid - he passed out. He almost passed out again when we went to meet you!" it was surprising his glare didn't burn two holes into Gentaro, it was so intense. The rider at least looked abashed, ducking his head a little. He automatically wiped his nose with the back of his hand again. Yuki put her hand on his shoulder, and guilt flooded his chest all over again.  
"You should let him hit me." Gentaro spoke calmly, ignoring the exclamations of shock. "It'll make you feel better, eh, Ryusei?"

Pushing up from the ground, Gentaro stood. He was, admittedly, a little shaky on his feet - but he stood regardless. Yuki stepped back as Ryusei stepped forward, raising his fist to punch Gentaro - who didn't move. They stayed in that weird limbo for just a moment before Ryusei dropped his fist, swearing loudly as he turned away, kicking at the grass.  
"It's no good hitting you if you're just gonna stand there and take it!" he yelled, "You have to fight back! It feels - wrong, to hit someone who isn't my - who isn't a - who - !" he let out an angry yell, huffing in frustration before turning and striding away. 

"Ryusei -" Yuki made as if to follow him, but was stopped as Gentaro spoke again.  
"Let him go. He couldn't hit me so he has to go burn off that anger somewher else-" he wobbled, and Yuki immediately darted forward, pressing to his side and supporting him with worry in her eyes.  
"Let's get you home," she whispered, "You need to rest-"  
"Yeah. And so do you!" he pointed out, thinking of all the trauma his friend had endured the last few days. Kengo rubbed at his own eyes, looking at the dishevelled group.  
"Yeah. Kisaragi's right. We don't know when the Zodiarts will attack next. Better get what rest we can." his features were tight as he glanced between everyone.  
"All of us. We don't know ... anything could happen." he walked off, holding his case. And slowly, the group trickled away, somewhat full of dread even though - right now - everyone was okay.


End file.
